beginning again: how to survive and thrive after divorce

by: dr. laura richter
posted: tuesday, january 28, 2014


Going through a divorce is one of the most difficult journeys you will ever take. Sometimes, everyday functioning becomes a challenge, as feelings like anger, sadness, resentment and frustration seem overwhelming at times.

The only way to heal is to move through the pain, instead of trying to stop it. Here are some things you can do to help yourself feel better.

Seek the support and company of loving nurturing friends and family
You are not alone and you don't have to go through this alone. Surround yourself with kind, and caring people. These folks will help you with childcare, be a great sounding board and tell you all the wonderful things about yourself that you may not be feeling right now If you're not able to rely on friends and family, find a professional or a support group to help you through the tough times.

Being with like-minded people who have been where you are can be very helpful These individuals can provide mentoring and insight by sharing how they are healing and moving on.

Moving through your feelings
Expect and accept that you are going to feel sad at times. Feelings come in waves. At times they feel intense and then they subside.

Fighting feelings only makes them worse. Give yourself permission to be sad, angry, frustrated, and nurture yourself through it, just as you would nurture a child or loved one.

Eat healthy, drink lots of water and surround yourself with people, places and things that bring you comfort and pleasure.

What to do when you are fearful
It's difficult to find clarity when you are afraid, but sometimes that is part of the process. But, what you focus on will continue to grow. That means there will be times when you need to consciously acknowledge your fear as you put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.

Meditation, deep relaxation techniques and self-hypnosis can be very effective in reducing fear and anxiety. Yoga classes are a great way to get started.

Will you be victim or hero?
Those who have survived it say that divorce can be the worst and the best thing that's ever happened to you. It's tough in the beginning, but eventually you will heal and move on. Not only is it likely that you will survive it but also you can thrive after it. If you make the choice to see yourself as a hero, instead of a victim, you acknowledge your pain and fear and at the same time accept that you are the master of your own destiny.

You determine when and how you heal. Many of the individuals I have worked with have come to me wondering how they will ever be able to make it. And then they are amazed at their strength, resourcefulness and resilience.

Here is the good news ... It's all within you and as you move forward you may be amazed at what you will learn about yourself!